Drew DiFonzo Marks

warning/reminder: i am not using tumblr to be funny. ive got facebook, twitter, and stage-time for that. im trying to use tumblr as a place of sincerity, which im sure will read as weepy emo diary at times, but oh well. weepy emo away.

tonight something happened, and i reacted to it in a way i have never reacted before. something in me fundamentally shifted, and it was very promising. 

i have been reading alot about buddhism in the past few months. its teaching me alot, and i am trying to follow its philosophies. in doing so they are yielding positive results in my day to day life. tangible differences that i can see and feel. remember - buddhism is not a religion, but a philosophy (actually, it can be argued either way, but I, and many others, see it as a philosophy). also remember - i am not saying im a buddhist. or at least not yet. i frankly dont know enough about it yet to make that claim. but i am practicing what i am learning form it. heres what happened.

tonight somebody pissed me off. big time. and i was in the right.

i could feel my anger arising, i was so mad at this person, and i had all these thoughts in my head; things i would say to them, how i truly was justified if i ripped them a new asshole, how all logic was on my side, etc. i left the situation and started walking home in a huff, just living and existing in this negativity. 

then i thought of one of the main truths of buddhism; that suffering and pain dont come from outside factors, they come from within yourself. how you choose to deal with the world around you creates your reality. how you see things is how they are to you. you build your own universe. (im aware of how hippy shitty this is starting to sound and im sure most people have clicked away at this point, so i dont blame you). so i started to think, this person didnt aim to hurt me. although their actions made me angry, they didnt make the choice with malice to try to upset me. i was the one getting angry. i created that. not them. 

so i asked myself, ‘why did this person do this’? oh, because they are covering for something else. they are scared, or in pain, or insecure, or angry themselves. or just as damaged as every other human being is. so, what can i do to help them with the root cause of this event rather than push back and perpetuate the situation?  so instead of loading bullets in my mind to fire later, i simply asked them directly “are you ok?”. and my offer of kindess and compassion was reciprocated back, and all anger left me, (quicker than i thought possible) and any drama of the situation was instantly diffused. what would’ve at least lasted for days in my head was almost immediately calmed by a simple reversal of choice. this person dug a hole in me. my impulse was to dig back. but you dont fix a hole by digging a second one. you have to fill whats causing the hole in the first place.